Eating my feelings or Why I will never be a cop.

So again a big gap since when I have posted last.  It's been a very busy 1.5 weeks with some big highs and even bigger lows....well just one HUGE low.  Last week when I didn't blog I gained a pound.  I missed days at the gym and didn't eat very well.  I was surprised it was just a pound.  This week the gym and eating have been even worse. Since I am being negative Ill state with my shitty ass news.

So most of you know that I am in school and trying to get my bachelors in nursing.  I had planned on applying next semester to start school in the Spring of 2012.  I went to talk to an advisor just to make sure that I had all the classes I needed and to make sure that I was competitive.  I'll digress here for a minute, the College of Nursing (CON) looks primarily at two things, your overall GPA and your science GPA.  They take each score and combine them to give you a combined GPA.  Then they take the top 48 people.  That's it. No waiting list, no appeals, nothing.  You either get in or you don't.  The reason I bring this up is because when I went in to see where my standing was and to see if applying would be worthwhile, I was pretty much told it would be a waste of my time.  Even though I have worked pretty hard for my current GPA of 3.5 and my science GPA of 3.5, the ONE semester that I took at then TVI, 12 years ago fucks me.  I got two B's, a D, and an F.  With those classes in my GPA it pulls it down to a 3.0.  I went from being very competitive to not even in the race.  I fought and fought with the advisor and tried to work things out but she said short of me retaking the classes at CNM and getting a grade replacement if they do that like UNM does, I shouldn't even waste my time.  Even the fact that I took both classes at UNM and got an A+ and an A-, they don't care.  So I went to CNM to see if they did grade replacements, and they do but it works different than UNM's.  On UNM's transcripts you see that you took the class more than once but you only see the highest grade.  On CNM's transcripts they show both classes and both grades, but they only factor the higher grade.  So the D and the F are still on my transcript.  I returned to the advisor and explained how they did it at CNM, she said she didn't know if it would work, but it would be worth a try.  So long story short, the last two years that I've gone to school seem pretty worthless.  I'm at a loss at what to do.  I could apply for the nursing program at CNM and I would only have to take one more class to get in, but unlike UNM you have to have completed all of the pre-reqs before you can apply.  Well the cutoff date for applying would be before I finish the one class. The earliest I could apply would be for the Spring of 2012.  It's a full two year program and I would only get my associates.  With this shitty ass news, I have been eating my feelings and not going to the gym....FUCK MY LIFE!

So onto something a little lighter, and hopefully funnier.  The story you are about to read is true, only the names have been changed to protect the innocent and co-conspirators...but it is a story that will show you why I will never be a police officer. 

Last October my friend "Patti Stanger", my friend "Derek Saathoff", (I'll wait why you google them...if you know who these people are and who my friends are you will know why I gave them these code names) and I were talking about going to see the smash Broadway musical "Wicked".  We purchased tickets and eagerly awaited February to see the show.  The big day finally arrived and we had decided to eat a fancy meal before the show.  We had such a great time at dinner catching up with old friends that when we finally finished we were running late.  We decided that our other friend "Santana Lopez" would ride with us and I would drive.  As usual I was trying to drive like a bat out of hell and threw my car into reverse and slammed on the gas.  As I shot out of the parking space I realized I was hurtling towards a marked police car.  With only a few seconds to spare I slammed down on my brakes with both feet, as if by using both feet I would slow down faster.  The car jerked to a stop...either because the pressure of the of the brakes or the impact of my car against the police car.  I pulled forward and at the urging of my passengers I got out to inspect the damage.  It was on a dark street with no lighting so when I got out I couldn't see much.  I got close to the police car, but I couldn't see anything and likewise with my car.  I started to head back to my car and saw a police officer running towards his car.  Instead of doing what I should have done and gotten out to speak to the officer I sped off like the devil himself was chasing me.  Now the innocent thing I should have done is I should have taken major streets in case I did hit the car I would have been easy to find.  But noooo I decided I would take sidestreets. 

We made it to the show with just barely enough time to use the restroom and find out seats.  Did I actually hit the cop car?  Who knows?  Who cares?  All I know is that I will delete this posting if I'm ever asked, and I know that my passengers will never say a word, because at this point they are accomplices to a hit-and-run accident as well as assault on a police officer, and maybe even harboring a fugitive since they were at the scene of the crime, rode with me to another location, and still have not said a word.  At any rate, they are as guilty as I am!

Update

Hey, sorry it has been a while since I have posted.  This past week, even though I was off school for four out of five days, was extremely busy.  I'm still super busy but I finished taking a test and I was the first out of 150 to finish.  It took me 13 minutes to do a 50 question multiple choice test.  So either I did really really well or really really poorly.

I missed a few days at the gym but I'm proud to say that I lost 4lbs this week, bringing my total loss to 25lbs.  The professor is calling us all back to class so I shall be going.  I'll try to update more this week.

Please spell telephone...

So I titled this blog "Please spell telephone" because with this week’s weight loss it brings me back to where I was at last year when I was in the musical "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee".  So the grand total weight loss for January is 21lbs.  I know that if I can keep on it this month I will lose even more weight.  My goal for two months was 55lbs.  I don't think that I will get there, but I bet I will be down 45lbs by the end of February.

Also I've decided to stop weighing myself at the gym.  The last two weeks I've gone to weigh myself, the scale at the gym was showing a pound or two already on the scale when no one was on it.  I decided that I couldn’t trust its accuracy. 

Gay Compliment

So this week has been a little trying.  School is kicking my butt!  I don't know if I have let you all know, but I am taking 18 credit hours and working 40+ hours a week.  Granted they are all lower level classes and the work is mostly busy work, but it's hard to keep up with it all.  I was only able to get to the gym three times this week.  I'm hoping that I can get back on track. 

I've decided that one feature of the blog will be to help my straight readers understand Gay culture.  Just like the culture of Immigrants, Gay culture is steeped in tradition and history.  However, our history really starts with the Stonewall Riots of 1969.  These events are credited with the start of the gay rights movement.  Anywho I will not really be giving a history lesson, I just wanted you all to know that we take pride in where we have come from and what we have overcome. 

One thing that our community has perfected over the years is called the "gay compliment" or "GC".  A GC is defined as: a backhanded or barbed compliment. An insult usually about one's physical apperance disguised as a compliment.  I stress physical apperance because the gays are very superficial, so we have perfected the art of dissing someone in public, to their face and in front of their friends, without causing a scene. 
Examples of a GC:
"Wow those jeans make you look so skinny."
"Back in high school I never thought you would look this hot."

Or the one that someone told me, and the reason I'm bringing this all up:
"You are actually a really handsome dude. If you lost a few pounds you wouldn’t be able to keep the dudes away. Myself included."

So I should have told this guy to fuck off, sad thing though is that most gays are programmed to accept the compliment part and then work on the insult to get the approval of this person.  All I can say is I have the mindset now that I am a handsome guy, and when I lose the weight and I'm even hotter, this guy can fuck off then.  I'm doing it for myself, not some hot guy. 

How to almost flip an eliptical...

So its been a while since my last blog.  Something about taking 18 credit hours and working 40+ hours a week will keep you kind of busy!  So far so good though.  I love all my classes except philosophy.  My brain just doesn't think that way.  And I hate how everything I say and defend my professor says that it's close to the message the author was trying to convey, but not quite. 

On another note, my classic studies professor, Dr. Monica Cyrino is amazingly CRAZY!!!  She starts off the first class with telling us there is going to be a lot of fucks and bitches dropped in her lectures and if we don't like it, there's the fucking door.  She does an amazing Miley Cyrus impersonation, and she loves Prada!  I can tell that I'm going to love that class.

My updated weight this week is 330lbs.  So in a total of three weeks, I've dropped 14lbs.  Not too shabby.  I know that it didn't come on over night and it wont get lost over night.  Today, I had a tragic accident at the gym.  I took off early so I could go workout since I missed my morning gym time.  I was happily trucking along on the eliptical when I decided to changed the direction of movement.  As soon as I did my right leg cramped up.  It felt like the devil was ripping my gastrocnemius off the bone and wadding it up.  I stepped down on that leg inadvertently and this caused my body to spring to the other side.  This rapid movement of my massive weight caused a shift in gravity around me and forced the eliptical on two of its legs.  It looked like I was driving it like a bat out of hell and had just robbed a bank and was speeding away from the cops, taking the corner on two wheels.  Luckily I was able to use my mutant power of retard strength to hold me upright and the machine righted itself.  Needless to say this caused quite a noise.  Once I noticed every eye in the gym was on me, I wiped the machine down and hobbeled out of there.  I don't plan on going back at night anytime soon. 

Hey boy I really wanna see....

That has to be the theme song to my gaycation to Denver this past week.  Driving in the car with my sister Kayla over the course of 5 days we heard that song about 7,000 times...well really more like 20, but I still feel that if I had a flaming red weave and Rihanna was sick, I could perform that song. 

Overall, I think that the trip was a success.  I had a great time visiting my parents in Loveland and seeing their amazing new home.  I got to spend quality time with my sister, and even got tranny drunk with her.  So drunk that I almost invited someone from Grindr back to her house.  HEY!!  Don't judge.  People ask me why I don't drink, this is just one reason.  I also got to see my Aunt Kitty and meet my Uncle Dave for the first time.  It's been 10 years since I've seen her and she is only up in Denver...there is no reason why I should wait that long.  Another success was that I got to spend time with my two friends Avi and Heather. 

Sad new though, I weighed myself today at home and I gained a pound.  Not so bad considering I drank a lot and I didn't eat that good....not horrible, but I could have made better choices.  I'm back home now and school started so I'm back on schedule and I hope I can lose weight this week.

During the few days in Denver, several people said they missed my rules for life.  So in honor of traveling and going back to school I have two new ones.

Ryan's Rules for Life #111 - While traveling, well at any time other then lounging in your home, men+sweatpants is never an acceptable outfit.  I saw this in line at DIA and of the five men that I saw, I was able to see what political party they were affiliated with by the side they hung on.  On another note, if you don't want people staring at your junk strap it down or don't wear sweatpants in public.

Ryan's Rules for Life #507 - Just like there is a baggage limit on an airplane, there should be a baggage limit in a lecture class.  Women should not feel it's ok to bring their backpack, purse, yoga pad, and gym bag with them and then sit in a row that the seats are packed in closer than airplane seats.  If you feel that it is ok to limit my movement in the row, I will feel it's ok to step on all your shit.

Leaving on a jet plane....

So I wanted to post before I hopped on my plane to Denver today.  I wanted anyone who is following me to know that in eight days I've lost 11lbs.  Not too shabby for my first week.  Even though I'm going to Denver I will still be going to the gym and eating right.  Thank you to everyone who sent me tips on going on vacay and still eating right!  I'll see you all Sunday when I get back.